don't give up until you read this!!!

Sunday, December 18, 2011

change is good

If you have been living in an emotionally destructive environment then change is good. When you eliminate the anger, rage and verbal put downs that are associated with an emotionally destructive partner, co worker, or friend then you start to gain a new perspective of your life. There is no doubt that emotional stress relates to many problems such as your health and personal well being. Being free from this environment allows you to dream of how you want to life your life in a meaningful manner. Nobody that has endured this type of behavior will say it was simple to move on. The destruction of a family is heartbreaking to all those involved. Being able to believe in your own ability to carry on is a key factor in regaining your confidence. There is no standard time limit to the recovery process. We all react differently and it depends on your own situation. When one leaves an emotionally destructive environment and starts to realize how crazy it was, good things start to happen. New relationships are formed and new friends are discovered. You are never alone, there is always someone willing to help.

Friday, December 16, 2011

change the paradigm, change the outcome

Paradigms are the thoughts and behaviors we were taught as children. They come from a variety of sources and are not all accurate. Our paradigms are the types of things that form a mental picture in our minds of the way things are in the world. They are not carved in stone and should not control how we live our lives.

Change your paradigms and you will change the way you live. This takes some time but will be a positive change in your life and lifestyle. We all deserve to live in an emotionally stable environment. If you are not in an emotionally stable environment then change is necessary so may grow and enjoy life to its fullest.

You are never stuck and change begins with you and you only. We live in a free country and you are free to choose your path. It takes no more energy to work at being positive than it takes to work at being negative. The vibrations you give off to others are what you will get back in return. If you are positive then you will get back positive reactions.

You are only the victim if you allow yourself to be the victim. Don't be a victim of your own circumstances. You can change by by starting to be true to yourself about how you want to live your life.

Think about your job and your life and answer this question?

Why do you get paid for what you do.   

Please comment and share your story.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

get emotionally involved

If the truth be known, when you, you,you,  get emotionally involved in something, regardless of what that involvement is, then you have been given the ability to succeed on your terms and your terms only. Your personal emotional involvement is critical to your success. When your, your, your emotions fuel your engines, then the desire to succeed is increased. if you are not emotionally connected to your beliefs then how can you responsibly convey that to others????

Reply if you wish. Cheers

Sunday, April 24, 2011

for one more day

FOR ONE MORE DAY is a book that was recommended to me by a friend. I have read this book twice and found it really interesting. The main focus of the book really makes you think about life in general.
What would you say to someone important in your life if you could spend just one more day with them. How many times have we not said things to people or not resolved a past issue that might have made our lives, or their lives more meaningful and/or rewarding.

This is a major part of FORGIVENESS. When we forgive others we are better prepared to move on and not let some past issues bother us. Get the courage to talk to someone in your life that may benefit from a discussion and better yet read the book first. The author is Mitch Albon

Mitch Albon is also the author of another great book Tuesdays with Morrie

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

abusive relationships | the power of positive thinking

We should take these obstacles that seem to have thrown a kink into our daily routines and turn them into opportunities. When life throws you a curve ball then it creates a chance for change, hopefully for the better.

 By forgiving someone or some thing that has happened to you it should open the door and give you the green light to become a better person. We all learn through experiences, some are just a little more devastating than others. Forgiveness plays a major role towards that process of moving on and a fresh start. I beleive that is where the power of positive thinking can be such a great place to start a new journey toward a rewarding life and or a possible new career. Change can be good if your energies are focused in the proper direction. We don't get a second or third change to change the past but we have full control our future. We must create the type of future we want to live.

 I have read and am now re reading a book called THINK AND GROW RICH  by Napoleon Hill. This book is packed with ideas and it really makes one think about the possibilities available to us all. This book is old but its content is second to none so it is surely worth the read.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The power of positive thinking

If you have been in or are still in a relationship that is abusive regardless if it is verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, or physically abusive you must do something to move on.

Educate yourself through books, articles, friends, whatever it takes to get out or change the abusive nature of what you are living.

The power of positive thinking can start you in the right direction to a more fulling and rewarding way to live.

No one deserves to love through an abusive relationship. it has been said that it takes no more effort to be positive than it takes to be negative. Wake and smell the roses and start now. Even if the steps are small get going, take baby steps until you get a handle on where you are at.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

spousal abuse - mental health

Mental health issues, are no doubt, responsible for many of the family break ups and relationship troubles that families are facing these days.

 If one of the partners cannot identify a mental health issue such as depression or a controlling behavior then there is bound to be trouble.This is a classic case of spousal abuse. Spousal abuse takes on many shapes and forms and depression is certainly one of the main ones. Personality conflicts are also a main contributor to relationship and spousal abuse issues.

 I do know one thing, when a parent starts screwing around with the emotions of  members within their own family, THERE IS GOING TO BE TROUBLE.

Today's news cast on CANADA  AM is really interesting. The broadcast hits the nail on the head when the discussion reveals the truth about the stigma that is attached to mental health.

 I can only imagine how difficult it was for these people to talk about their feelings on national television. I give them credit for allowing others to hopefully understand that, it is OK, lots of people are willing to help.

  I still maintain today that if my spouse could have found the courage to seek the necessary help we would still be a family today. I tried, I encouraged, I suggested help in respectful ways, but all my efforts failed so we have both endured a painful divorce.

 Our issues lasted about 8 years before I had finally had enough and made the choice to save me. It still hurts me to see and understand, what could have been. The emotional pain finally came to the surface, and a realization that there must be a better way to live.

Being able to talk about a mental health issue with your spouse should be the first line of defense. The stubbornness of one spouse, to not accept help, eventually lead to the family troubles. It blows me away today when my spouses family totally ignored the reality and would not believe me and my interpretations of the situation. They would rather see our families destroyed instead of indicating that something was wrong with their only child. Everyone wanted to blame everyone else instead of taking responsibility for their own behavior. Keeping a family intact after 20 some years should be a priority for most.

Since I have been removed from a somewhat, crazy way to live, I have a better understanding of what an emotionally abusive, and verbally abusive relationship I was living in. Being able to experience a respectful relationship after all these years of frustration is enlightening and refreshing. This is a relationship where partners support each other for the right reason and we help each other grow to become better people, neither of us judges each others choices but we do openly discuss a variety of issues and lifestyle choices.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

spousal abuse | this is not a dress rehearsal

Life is not a dress rehearsal, period.

 How many times have you said to yourself

 when the time is right

 I will start to live my life to the fullest extent possible.

I know from experience that trying to life your life to please someone else can have some fatal consequences.
 If you have been living in a similar situation then it is time to take stock of where  you are in your life, relationship, and career. 

If it needs be changed in some way, shape, or form, then assess your current situation and make a plan to move ahead and start living the life you deserve. Are there a million factors to consider here, you bet there are. We all should be living, laughing, and loving on a regular basis.

 As most of us are living busy lives and schedules we often start chasing our tails around looking for the wrong thing. What is right and what is wrong? It is different for all of us so there is no right answer that suits everyone. 

I do know one area of our lives that can suck the energy out of all most anybody. Dealing with negative attitudes and negative emotions on a constant basis can rip a persons heart and soul right to the core, and it hurts deep inside our being.This may be a result of spousal abuse. If you are constantly being bombarded with negative expressions, personal put downs and angry people you can easily become demoralized and feel that you are the one who needs to change to their standards.

 Nothing could be further from the truth. 

Some of the more common negative emotions are :

  • anger
  • rage
  • jealousy
  • resentment
  • greed
If you experience these types of emotions on a regular basis then it is time to change something. If the people you choose to associate with display these types of behaviors then open your eyes and smell the roses, there is a better way to live. Spousal abuse is wrong regardless if it is women being abused or men being abused.

 People who choose to display positive emotions are certainly happier and have a different outlook on living.
Our daily routines should include laughing and loving, caring and sharing, joy and happiness. If your day does not include these types of positive emotions then you and you alone are responsible to make it happen. Don't wait for someone else to make it happen for you. An abusive spouse will not want you to be happy and see you enjoying yourself.

 Start by loving yourself first.

 That is not being selfish, that is being true to you as a person. If you love yourself first you are able to share your love and joy for living with others that you come in contact with throughout the day.

 There is an interesting law of attraction that simply states:  

What you give to others you will get back in return.

 If you give off negative vibrations that is what you will get back and if you give out positive emotions then you will get that back too. You get back whatever you give out. It is your choice on which route you wish to take. If you are struggling with day to day issues then look in the mirror and change what is not right in your life. Nobody said it was easy but there is a better way to live. 

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

spousal abuse

It takes courage to get yourself out of a abusive relationship. I personally recall reading dozens of books and articles relating to the abusive nature of my own relationship. I didn't want to believe that this was actually happening to me. I discounted the types of behavior that my spouse was capable of. From name calling, to put downs against me personally and my family. The yelling, screaming, shout and criticize then realize the stupidity of the behavior after the fact.  The bizarre nature of  comments  directed to her own kids was odd to say the least.
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond

 It has been a couple of years since I took the courage to leave my relationship of over twenty years. Reading books about what controlling people are really  like made me realize I was living in an abusive relationship.

It wasn't always like this but it got to a point where I didn't even want to go home to my own house. Some people just can't seem to be happy. Apparently these types of people are right and the rest of the world is wrong, and they actually believe that.

 I am now free to be me and have moved on to a better place that is peaceful, quiet, and respectful. We all have a choice and deserve to live in peace.

Monday, January 3, 2011

spousal abuse |donating to charity

I must truly say that giving to those in need gives one a feeling of warmth and satisfaction. I recently gave some money to a local charity that helps kids and their families who are less fortunate than myself. if Christmas time is meant to be a time of giving then I personally feel better that I have given to someone in need.

Money is no doubt a necessity in today's world, but giving to others is also a necessity. In a previous relationship it was take, take, take, and keep it all to ourselves. Since finally having the courage to  leave a verbally abusive relationship and move on to a more respectful relationship I have started to discover who I really am as a person. As I form new relationships and meet new friends I am now understanding how bizarre my former relationship was. It is unfortunate but it is sometimes difficult to see there is a more peaceful way to live. it has been almost two years since i finally choose to live in a different way than I had been accustom to all those years.  What a relief to look back and realize that I haven't been yelled at or screamed at in a couple of years now. Thank God. No one deserves to live in that abusive type of relationship. Although moving on is difficult it is one of those times where a new start is now possible. it means turning obstacles into opportunities.

Being free from a verbally abusive relationship is allowing me to grow and become a better person. The person that I always knew I was, even through all the turmoil, frustration, emotional abuse and verbal abuse. I will be a survivor and I crossed another bridge by giving a donation to an organization that helps people in need.

I would be really interested in hearing about your abusive type relationship and how you finally broke free from the clutches of your verbally abuse mate.